It’s been a slow process getting back on my feet this new year, physically and mentally. I’ve still got some of whatever this second winter bug has been, in me, causing me problems sleeping and in the mornings. This morning I tried a rancid concoction I’d seen on YouTube which involved me buying cinnamon for the first time in my life. The cinnamon I could handle. The honey, even though I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, I could deal with that too. But the tablespoon of olive oil that you have to mix in, I was still tasting that for a couple of hours and I think it might mean drinking this mix is likely to be short-lived. I can’t say I’ve felt much better today, but I’ll see how I go with this mixture for a few days. You have to mix in the cinnamon and honey first before adding all the other nonsense, and you’re meant to neck it down on an empty stomach, which I did.
This afternoon I went for a lazy run. A very muddy 5.5k which turned out to be fairly quick for the conditions. This week’s three runs have been down on the two 8ks I ran going into the New Year before falling ill and it took every thing I had to force myself out there. I was due to run yesterday but ended up on a two-hour call with another comic, as we debated the pluses and minuses of the circuit and how to deal with the various cliques blocking our progress.
The slowness of the circuit in terms of picking up in January has definitely played a big part in me feeling so low. I did appreciate how the gigging has helped me enormously. Apart from the fact I’ve discovered I’m good at it, it kept me busy and out of the flat, and has had me meeting new people. I can go on to a stage, whether in front of 4 or 400 people, and I feel no nerves. The travelling to the gig, the adrenalin, getting lost along the way (a frequent occurrence) it all keeps me focused. It’s all helped me to come off my meds after almost 5 years. I hadn’t fully grasped how important it’s been to me until now though. It’s over 3 weeks now since my last show and I’ve even been trying to get spots on shows I left behind last year and had no reason to do again, just for the stage time.
Feb and March are looking a lot busier and I have gigs booked all the way until September, but it’s just the four in January and it really has affected me. I’ve been looking day and night for dropout spots to no avail. I have two gigs in Brighton on the 19th, that finally get me going but I’m hoping for something beforehand. I have been offered something for Monday but you have to pay £3 towards the cost of the venue. It was a lengthy spot but I’m not paying to play. That’s just bollocks, quite frankly.
I’m in the back-up café right now looking to do a bit of work on the short film. I’m also feeling mournful because I’m on the final episode of Downton Abbey. I can’t tell you how important this show has been to me the last 5 or 6 weeks. These days it’s rare for me to get into a TV show, old or not, books being my preference, and it’s rare for me to get into a show that was a huge commercial hit in its day. The shows I loved, such as NYPD Blue, Deadwood, The Wire, tended to be slow burners, cult shows, only NYPD Blue airing on one of the main terrestrial channels in its prime. I will miss Downton Abbey, badly. I’ve jumped back into S3 of Succession. S2 of that show was brilliant, putting the show up there with the greatest shows of TV’s golden age – mid 90s to mid-00s, but the third series, filmed during the pandemic, suffers because of it, which is why I never got beyond S2 E2. But I need something to ease the blow of losing Downton Abbey and I will remember this show with huge affection because it helped me a lot at a difficult time.
Hopefully I can find a way to come through these low few weeks. The banking issue is only partly resolved. I think that experience, falling ill at New Year and not having access to money for the meds, was a glimpse as to what can go really wrong when you live alone. Having my first friends become grandparents really young has also perhaps been another trigger. You read of the impact social media has on young girls in terms of body image, I think for the first time, I’ve now been adversely affected by social media. I’m serious. Yes, I kind of chose to do things my way. I wasn’t fussed about kids, but that’s not to say I expected to end up where I have. Seeing pictures of friends constantly cropping up on your timeline looking happy with their partners, and posting pictures of their kids, I think right now that’s reinforcing my unhappiness. Of course, I’m not stupid. Most people present the best of their lives online. Being a parent, being in a relationship, like anything else, will have its challenges. Maybe people should post selfies of them after some argument to redress that? I hope I’m not guilty of posting stuff online that makes people feel shit about their own lives. I don’t think I am. My Instagram for instance is an ongoing documentary of south London grime, runs I hate and plugging shows which are usually far from glamorous.
It's possible this is all affecting me now because it’s been a tough few weeks. The bank issue, the lack of gigs, one of my closest relatives now battling cancer again. The latter is going to be hard regardless. January is being January right now. I need to grit my teeth, possibly with the mouthguard in, and try and navigate my way through this, otherwise I’m in a bit of trouble.
Twitter: @1607WestEgg
FB: @DRTcomedy
Instagram: @1607westegg
TikTok: @1607WestEgg