My morning was quite rushed. I had a couple of things on that took me out of the routine that gets me through my days.
I had a disappointing gig last night. It was the second time I’ve found myself at a night where there’s young kids. I’m not very comfortable with that and most of the acts, myself included, appeared to be unsettled by it. I actually came off stage and right away realised I’d forgotten about 3 to 4 minutes of my 10-minute set. That’s never happened before. This is different to forgetting material on stage and knowing it’s happening while you’re on stage, and trying to remember it desperately, or thankfully for me, more calmly these days after this year’s relentless gigging.
This time though, I came off stage, and it just hit me. “S**t, I forgot the _ and I forgot the _bit”. It was no real loss in the end as it was a forgettable night. I’d dragged along the massive tripod I bought last month to film the gig only to realise it was pointless filming. By the time I’d made that decision, I’d already unfurled the massive tripod and must’ve looked like some ridiculous bigshot to the other comics, someone just desperate to film every spot they do when in fact, it’s only recently I’ve started to film the better gigs. I know I’m at a good enough level now that if I film the sets, they should help me secure some better gigs.
I’ve got a big night tomorrow in Covent Garden and will make sure I rehearse a bit later today, probably on my walk home from the back-up café, and then through the day tomorrow. What did please me about last night’s set is that I wrote a brand-new bit and managed to get it into last night’s set. It had a good response from what was a very quiet audience.
I was in two minds about trying it and was still reading my notes as the show was underway. It wasn’t quite registering with me, but eventually it must’ve as I delivered it on stage, and it worked. I’ll be rehearsing tomorrow night’s set with this new bit learned, sharper and worked in.
This opening latte in the back-up café (it’s Tuesday, of course) delivered, long after I’d ordered from the surly Double Denim Italian, is a little strong for my liking.
We’re now in ladybird season, which I b***dy hate. They are actually pests though in the media they have this benign image. The flat backs onto a railway line and these wooded areas are known to attract the bugs. They start piling in through any gaps in the windows. I can already see them on the windows, trying to get in. It’s like the battle scenes in ‘Zulu’. In years gone by, I’ve ended up taping up all the windows through winter, which isn’t ideal. Usually just the windows in the back of the flat, more specifically the erstwhile study. Why didn’t I just say the study? This time, I’ve decided to pilot just spraying the room with that powerful asthma-inducing Raid spray and seeing if that’ll suffice. Clothes I keep in the study have now been piled into bags. It will take days for the smell of the spray to leave the back of the flat.
It's their flight and the specific wing audio attributable to ladybirds that really unsettles me. Long-time followers of my work will know I’ve always suffered from ornithophobia, something my dad, a bird-obsessive to the extent his childhood nickname was ‘El Niño pájaro’ (Bird Boy), did his best to reinforce by keeping birds in the house back in my childhood. I will never forget the terror of the finches he kept escaping from their cages and flying around the bedsit in a panic, nor the different kind of horror of new-born chicks being allowed to run around on my Subbuteo pitches which rarely recovered from the ensuing guano-carnage.
My dad was something of a Dr Moreau, often rescuing wild birds which he’d bring home, nursing them back to health and crossbreeding them with the finches. At some point, these wild birds must’ve realised the mad scientist wasn’t releasing them back to the wild and probably thought to themselves, “Well, in that case, I might as well **** these other species”. My dad certainly had some strange-looking birds.
It's been a real effort securing a second latte here, which I hope is better than the disappointing opener. Other tables saw me make several attempts to place my order with the younger Italian, he of the wide nostrils. Actually, scratch that. The nostrils aren’t wide. They are expressive though. He’s a nostril-flarer. Every time he interacts with someone, be it customers or Double Denim, the nostrils are flaring.
My third effort at getting the latte is doomed as Nostril-Flarer starts drilling a screw back into some wonky table and I’m starting to feel a bit of an idiot, having committed to placing the order. The tables around me have seen I am after the coffee. Normally, body language-wise, I’d be good at disguising my frustration, but this time, I can feel the agitation surfacing in my back and shoulder movement. This back up café’s big problem, from an ordering point of view, is that it’s simply too big and there’s not enough staff to cover the space.
My aunt calls me. My phone hasn’t been working for a few days, only I didn’t realise until today. The reason for this is I failed to update my card details on Riff Raff when the bank sent me my new card. I’ve chased up a housing repair for her. We then get into a discussion about how I burned my jumper before last Friday’s gig with the iron. I rarely iron. Regardless of whether I have a gig or not. I won’t be doing that again after damaging this jumper. It was my huge misfortune to be gigging on an incredibly brightly lit stage on Friday and as you can see from the photo, there’s no mistaking the mark on the jumper. Some might mistake it for a food stain. That’s my concern.
Pic: Big Smoke Comedy/Brooke Hoerr
I finally get Nostril-Flarer’s attention and order that second coffee.
There’s some important Star Wars Football action later this evening with X-Wing facing off against Alderran in the derby. The visitors have yet to secure their Europa League spot for next season and will be keen to get the points needed to fend off league debutants Apex Overlook, whose 4-0 thrashing of Empire at the weekend piled the pressure back on Alderran. X-Wing, meanwhile, traditionally strong in the final weeks of a season, will be looking to maintain their better form ahead of their upcoming Europa League Final.
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