There’s still no sign of Double Denim here in the back-up café. Is this simply a contractual stand-off? I don’t know. It feels a bit more serious than that now. If he does come back, I don’t doubt for one minute that his ego is considerable enough for him, with some subtle probing, to release some of the details that have kept him away from this place for over a week now.
The place misses him, if not his overpowering fragrance. I remember Frank Skinner once talking about his aversion to wearing men’s perfume, believing that guys shouldn’t venture too far from their genuine scent. I agree with that. I haven’t used any fragrance now for almost a decade and I have no idea what that market is like these days. As a low-key guy who, other than for their work, doesn’t like to turn heads, I wouldn’t like to wear something too noticeable.
Old listeners may recall my old ‘Available’ compadre ‘The Kid’. The young egomaniac was a massive perfume enthusiast and would often give away his fragrance hand-me-downs soon as he’d sighted a superior scent that in his eyes made it even more likely he’d secure his next conquest.
Around 2013, while holed up in some dreadful job that I only clung onto because he effectively covered up my frequent mistakes, The Kid gave me a horrendous perfume he was done with. It was too overpowering, even for him. This wasn’t a good time for me. To be fair, that sums up the last dozen years really – there was definitely a link with podcasting and my life taking a sharp nosedive – and I like to think in better years I wouldn’t have worn the fragrance, whose name escapes me. It definitely got a few nostrils flaring at that old job. Whenever a female colleague asked what I was wearing, The Kid would chip in with “Yeah, I gave it to him, innit.”
The plan is to leave the back-up café at around 17:00hrs. I’m continuing to do these very time-consuming exercises the physio gave me last week. They have to be done twice a day and there’s no cutting corners with them. I’d hoped to find a gig tonight before Sunday’s gong show, but it looks once again like I’m out of luck. Thankfully February’s calendar is filling up very quickly, but January has really been disappointing on the comedy front. I do feel quite rusty on stage at the moment and it looks like I’m probably one of those acts that needs to gig a lot to stay sharp.
I’m entitled to a free decaf latte today on my loyalty card (remember, it’s one free every eight coffees here rather than the usual ten) but predictably, I’m struggling to get served here. Securing today’s third coffee is likely to take a little longer. I am sat right at the back today, but it seems to make no difference here. Front or back of the back-up café, **** me, getting served is a battle.
Earlier, ordering my second decaf from Nostril Flare, he made this gesture I’ve noticed before, identical to a football physio gesturing to the bench as they kneel by a stricken player, a twirl of the hands indicating that a substitution needs to be made. I’m wondering if I could, as the customer, in future commandeer this twirl gesture from him and from whichever table I’m sat at, produce the gesture and get served in no time at all.
It's important to dream, eh.
I dream too of him actually seeing my empty glass and asking me if I want another rather than reacting to my cornering him for another coffee. But that really is a fantasy.
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