It’s been a few days since I posted. Things have been hectic and blue. I’m struggling with things. I just haven’t found a way to break through my downcast mood of the last couple of months. I tried talking this through with my GP yesterday who’s returned from his sabbatical looking much healthier. Covid definitely took a toll on him and it’s good to see him looking so rejuvenated.
I had a pro gig on Saturday and I think the nervous energy of preparing for that left me dead on my feet come Sunday. Here in London, the sun might be out but the January weather has returned with a vengeance. I bought some thicker gloves today. Trying them out in the store, I tried putting them over my existing gloves to see if that was possible as I’ve really struggled with the cold this winter. I managed to double up on the gloves, with difficulty, but visually, it makes my hands look really odd so I have to hope the new gloves are effective on their own.
I spent Sunday aware it was the birthday of one of my oldest friends, now sadly deceased. He was the first friend I made at school and I still have a vague memory of attending his birthday. We had been in different classes. He was actually in my cousin’s class and I still remember, in fact this is the stronger memory, my friend’s mum approaching my aunt in the school playground to invite my cousin to her son’s fifth birthday. My aunt perhaps seeing an early indication of my struggle to make friends said my cousin would only go if I came along too, and it was the start of a long and beautiful friendship with this friend that peaked in the late eighties, probably still the most exciting time of my life. I miss what I had but at the same time I’m grateful to have experienced these things. I just wish I could recapture some of that, you know.
I had a gig last night and another one tonight which involves a long trek into deepest east London tonight. I only snack before gigs if they’re big shows but that means by the time I’m at the gig I’m seriously hungry. I still need to work on getting that balance right. It’ll be a very late return to the flat tonight. I suspect the night might end with a bowl of porridge.
Here in the back up café, Muscles is busy telling the Waitress about the difficulty he has seeing his kid. It’s the usual once a fortnight access for the dad story here. And if he turns up at the school, he told the Waitress, without his ex’s knowledge, she calls the police. The Waitress is engrossed in this story. They all are, which explains why I’m again struggling to get my second decaf latte in.
What else the last few days? There’s been a haircut – for once, I managed to get what I wanted but I had to push the barber for it – and there was a lot of loitering outside, making sure the crap barber (my uncle’s favourite) wasn’t free. He wrecked my hair last time and I was still paying the price for that three months later. I reverted back to my old run route with the punishing climbs, having abandoned it after three years to run an easier route for the last 6 to 8 months. I feel like the easier runs have impacted my fitness, but that was the last thing on my mind when I was back on the brutal climbs of my original runs. I’d never forgotten how much they hurt, which is why I’d done my utmost to avoid them for months.
I’m about to wrap up in here. I sometimes wonder what my mum would’ve made of me spending so much time on my own? It can’t be healthy.
Tomorrow’s another busy day in terms of running from one appointment to another. I’ve got a run to get in early, a physio appointment and a meeting with the DOP of my much-delayed short film, having finished a rewrite of the script.
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