From my new Threads account.
If Threads is still about by the time I post my 100th pale latte on here, then maybe it really is a stayer.
I always feel the pressure this time of year when it gets stupidly hot to order a cold drink. There’s a handful of days every year where the staff here will check with me if I REALLY want the latte.
I’m not sure this is one of them, though it is HOT.
The Beard, the affable bearded (of course) waiter with the high pony tail, on seeing me sit inside the empty café when all the customers are sat outside, eating while corralled by the South Lambeth muck, says, “Daniel, you don’t like being outside, do you?”
It’s a good shout.
I don’t.
Now this summer, after a long and dreadful winter, I promised myself I wouldn’t moan about the heat when it came (and it’s taking a while to get going) and I’m not. That doesn’t mean though that I’m going to sit in it.
On a day when the media are running stories about skin cancer rates being at an all-time high, there are a predictably high number of topless morons out there who a generation from now will be looking to the NHS, if they’re still around, to save them.
The Beard knows, from past exchanges, that my parents were from the southernmost point of Andalucía, and could never believe that was the case considering how pale I am.
My colour was always an issue for my olive skinned dad who’d drag me out to Clapham Common every summer from the age of 10 or 11 to sunbathe in our speedos. How times have changed, eh?
The Beard points out that I’m like The Mullet, the equally as pale skinned as me Portuguese waiter who in the last five years here has showcased some outstanding mullets. “You’re like A,” says The Beard. “He doesn’t like the sun. And like you, he’s also from the south (Portugal) but he looks Danish.” Indeed he does.
A disputes he’s from the south, claiming his town is on the borders of central Portugal. The Beard isn’t having it, shaking his head so vigorously, his high pony tail moves from side to side like the tail of a happy dog. I should add here I know very little about dogs, other than that they wreck our parks, but I think I’m right in threading that they wag their tails when they’re happy.
As the exchange (at least with me) ends, I wonder if this has been on The Beard’s mind for some time, my never sitting outside. Is it something they discuss among the staff here?
Sure enough, moments later, I hear The Beard repeating the three-way-sun-related exchange him, A and I had to the other staff with the minimal backstory included confirming to me that this is a subject they HAVE previously discussed.
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